Buy, buy, buy!

I've now made it to 14th in this particular top one hundred list. I've no idea what relevance this has to anything, but perhaps those of us that cross-pollinate in our blogs should put each other on our own fantasy lists.

Trip to Triumph

I never told you about the trip up to the Triumph factory at Hickley, did I. It was arranged by Fowlers (otherwise known as Fowlups in and around Bristol) and led by their Triumph sales person (henceforth TSP). After much fannying around, we set off towards the Fosse Way with a mixed bag of bikes, some Triumph and some not. I knew things were going to get interesting when TSP set off at 80-90 along the A roads. As you probably have experienced when out in a group, each person further back in the group has to travel a little faster than the person in front to keep up (because of the effect of missed overtakes and closing gaps). Consequently, we'd lost three people after 30 miles or so and one of those had travelled quite a way across country to make this trip.

From there, I winced at a series of blind overtakes on bends and other reckless moves, as people desperately tried to stay with the pace and avoid being dropped. It was wet for most of the ride up, easing off as we got near the factory and our lunch stop.

The damp roads almost debootitated (I'm guessing that's the correct term for losing a leg based on the premise that de-cap-itated is losing your head). After some thoughless close riding and some close overtaking manoeuvres, Mr.Rocket III rider nearly managed to highside his bike while overtaking on a straight stretch of road. Picture a wide bike with an equally wide rider, legs akimbo, flailing in the air like a native welcome to the approaching artic.

The factory tour itself was really interesting. You're given Formula One style radio headphones and the tour guide takes you right from the component parts, to the fully assembled bike. At various points he points to a worker and says 'Tarquin here is scanning the bar code for the bike and the tools now set themselves to the correct torque for tightening the felangethon gasket' or words to that effect. The thing that I found interesting was that each bike is different. They don't build rows and rows of one type; one bike may be a Daytona bound for France, the next may be a Sprint for Australia. Anyway, go if you have the chance.

You need this like a hole in the head

The founder of the trepanation movement is a Dutch savant, Dr Bart Hughes. In 1962 he made a discovery which his followers proclaim as the most significant in modern times. One's state and degree of consciousness, he realized, are related to the volume of blood in the brain. According to his theory of evolution, the adoption of an upright stance brought certain benefits to the human race, but it caused the flow of blood through the head to be limited by gravity, thus reducing the range of human consciousness. Certain parts of the brain ceased or reduced their functions while others, particularly those parts relating to speech and reasoning, became emphasized in compensation. One can redress the balance by a number of methods, such as standing on one's head, jumping from a hot bath into a cold one, or the use of drugs; but the wider consciousness thus obtained is only temporary. Bart Hughes shared the common goal of mystics and poets in all ages: he wanted to achieve permanently the higher level of vision, which he associated with an increased volume of blood in the capillaries of the brain.

The higher state of mind he sought was that of childhood. Babies are
born with skulls unsealed, and it is not until one is an adult that the
bony carapace is formed which completely encloses the membranes
surrounding the brain and inhibits their pulsations in repsonse to
heart-beats. In consequence, the adult loses touch with the dreams,
imagination and intense perceptions of the child. His mental balance
becomes upset by egoism and neuroses. To cure these problems, first in
himself and then for the whole world, Dr Huges returned his cranium to
something like the condition of infancy by cutting out a small disc of
bone with an electric drill.

More...

Musical 419s - Rock, Anyone?

To: undisclosed-recipients

Sent: Friday, 28 April, 2006 10:37:22 AM

Subject: Message from Mr Willson.

FROM: PETER WILLSON.
CHIEF AUDITOR MINISTRIE OF FINANCE ECONOMICS
COTONOU-BENIN REPUBLIC.


Dear Good Friend,


Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as asurprise and if
it might offend you without your prior consent and writing through this
channel.
I am PETER WILLSON CHIEF AUDITOR MINISTRIE OF FINANCE ECONOMICS COTONUO-BENIN
REPUBLIC.I got your information when I was searching for a reliable,honest
and trustworthy person to entrust this business with.I was simply inspired
and motivated to pick your contact from the many names and lists in the website.


I wish to transfer the sum of $14,300,000.00 USD (Fourteen Million Three
Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only.into your personal or company`s
bank account.
This fund was a residue of the over invoiced Industrial Contract bills awarded
by MINISTRIE OF FINANCE ECONOMICS COTONUO-BENIN REPUBLIC to some foreign
firms. This DEAL was deliberately hatched out and carefully protected with
all the attendant lope holes sealed off.

As the chief auditor,I have the
cooperation and mandate of the Financial Director and the Secretary. It
was my consensus to seek the assistance of a willing foreigner to provide
us with the facilities to transfer this money out of West Africa.This is
borne out of our beleive in the non-stable and sporous political nature
of this sub-region.
The original contractors have been duely paid by the Banque Centrale Des
Etats De L`Afrique De L`Ouest (Central Bank of the West African States)This
balance is suspended in the escrow accounts awaiting claims by any foreign
company of our choice.I intend to pay out this fund now as the organisation
is winding up its activities.

Based on the laws and ethics of employment,we as civil servants working
under this organisation, are not allowed to operate a foreign account.This
is the more reason why we needed your assistance to provide an account that
can sustain this fund for safe keeping
and our future investment with your comprehensive advise,assistance and
partnership in your country.
I have however agreed,as the account owner in this deal to allow you 40%
of the entire sum as compensation,why 55% will be held on trust for me while
5% will be used to defray any incidental charges and cost if any.


Upon the receipt of your information, the certificate of job completion
of one of the contracts will be issued in your for the transfering of the
fund to your nominated account without delay.
As with the case of all organised (sensitive)and conspired DEALS,we solicit
for your unreserved confidentiality and utmost secret in this business.
We hope to retire peacefully and lead a honourable business life afterwards.

There
are no risks involved.
REPLY ASAP.


With regards.


MR PETER WILLSON.

My reply:
Hi,

It's so nice to hear from you Peter but I'm sorry to hear about your indignation.
It sounds like you have such an important job, so I'm so lucky that you managed to find my details among all those other people in the lists you mention.


That's an awful lot of money that you're talking about there Peter. I'm glad to hear that you've sealed off all lope holes, as loping in a matter such as this would be catastrophic. I'm happy to egg you on in a DEAL that has been hatched as carefully as this.
I am that willing Foreigner and I Want To Know What Love Is. I can be as Cold As Ice when needed and my Heart Turns To Stone when I have to get Lowdown and Dirty. All I need to know is what Reaction To Action you need for this DEAL.
With Heaven On Our Side I'm preapared to tell the occasional White Lie for a DEAL as Urgent as this.

Say you will,

Dr. Ozmundo Vasqualez. PROFILED! (EP)

THE VERY BEST... AND BEYOND

American Bikers Know How to Have Fun!

Cheese racing. Who'd have thought it. In the UK we have superbike racing and rock festivals. In the states, they have cheese racing festivals.

Go to the action.

Shave your Yeti

OK, what can I say about this? Be patient. Persist with removing every last bit of body hair. Shave Your Yeti

Firefox Blogging

I decided to have a look at what was hot on the Firefox extensions site and noticed this little gem:

Performancing :: Mozilla Addons :: Add Features to Mozilla Software
Performancing for Firefox is a full featured blog editor that sits right in your Firefox browse and lets you post to your blog easily. You can drag and drop formatted text from the page you happen to be browsing, and take notes as well as post to your blog.

It seems to work incredibly well, so it may well encourage me to spend some more time blogging. I wouldn't hold your breath for too long though.

Coaching on his Brazilian

Go on admit it. How many of you are turned on by this:

Scary.

Busy Week

Gregorio wins!
Originally uploaded by ozzzie.

I'm still struggling with time at the moment, so it's been difficult to sit down and write something here. Very soon I'll make some time to list some of my recent escapades, including the excellent trip to the Triumph factory for their free tour.

Well actually, the trip wasn't so good (think badly organised rideout with suicidal riders) but the tour was fab.