Robot Dance

The second guy in this video makes Rowan Atkinson look stiff and boring.

YouTube - robot dance

I told you so

Search giant Google is set to launch an online payments system which is aims to compete with auction giant eBay.

BBC NEWS | Business | Google to launch payment service

Classy Music from Womble

Thanks to Womble for this classic track. Actually for more great tracks see http://www.freephotosandvideos.com/.


My favourites include:

Janies got a gun.
Poison
Wonderful Life
Don't like Mondays
Rock and Roll Radio
Turning Japanese

and dozens of others. I was shocked that the Vibrators aren't listed!

Rob's Caption Competition - my entry

More 419's

How could you not trust this man?

NOTIFICATION OF BEQUEST

We act as solicitors and our services have been retained by Dr. Douglas Warren, now late herein after referred to as our client. On behalf of Late Dr.  Douglas Warren, I write to notify you that my late client made you a beneficiary to the bequest sum of US$11.900,000.00 Million. In the codicil to his will and last testament. My client, Late Dr. Douglas died on 1st day January 2004 at the Agaja beach at the age of 60.Until his death, he was a member of several non-governmental organizations and he was also a great philanthropist. This bequest is for support of your activities, humanitarian services and help to the less-privileged.In accordance with our inheritance laws you are required to forward documents of proof as the bonafide beneficiary. We are perfecting arrangements to complete the lodgment of this money into your desired bank account.

Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter immediately.

At last - a reliable version of Linux.

For those of you who have until now been too afraid to buy a commie pinko version of the penguinized operating system, help is now at hand...

Microsoft Linux - the premier linux distro

Shy and retiring Americans

'Overconfident people are more likely to wage war but fare worse in the ensuing battles, a new study suggests. The research on how people approach a computer war game backs up a theory that “positive illusions” may contribute to costly conflicts.'

“It supplies critically needed experimental support for the idea that positive attitude - which is generally a [beneficial] feature of human behaviour - may lead to overconfidence and [damaging] behaviour in the case of war,” comments Peter Turchin of the University of Connecticut, US.'

It's lucky that the most deadly super-power in the world isn't overconfident, isn't it. Mind you, they do have massive numerical and technological superiority on their side to balance the equation just in case they get cocky.

Thanks to New Scientist for that.

Zounds! Sounds.

Just for a change, let's have some audio fun. You may have heard of the 'Mosquito' product that is designed to annoy young people and stop them congregating (or achieving congress) in public places. You may also be aware that it's now available as a ring tone. You won't be able to hear this if you're past it, sorry.

While we're at it, here's a freebie. A while back I created my own version of a certain Abba classic with the express intention of using it in an animated pop video. The video hasn't happed yet due to time constraints, but here's the track. I play it if I'm feeling slow.

 

This one's for Womble

and all those other music lovers out there. Boy, he can really hold a note - and then squeeze its throat slowly until its breath ebbs away...

Japanese torture

Oh, and buy a guitar tuner for God's sake.

Slight variation

Just a slight amendment to Womble's post.

419 Email

Dear yousa,

Mesa name is Jar Jar Binks and mesa write to yousa to aska yousa helpa. Mesa havea lotsa money that mesa getting from da Jedi Master who'sa killed in a spaceship crash.

Mesa give yousa 25% of the total if yousa help mesa by giving da bank account details where mesa can transfersa da money.

Mesa guaranteesa that yousa will not havesa any problems.

Pleasea email me atsa the starport below.

Jar Jar Binks

Work conversation with Woof via Messenger

  Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.[You know it makes sense.]
 
Woof says:
Aright bobbin?
Oz Warren says:
I thought that said a right bobbin - I thought perhaps some strange northern dance that you'd learnt in your travels.
Woof says:
And spin, spin, spin
Oz Warren says:
Eeek. I'm getting dizzy and I've spilt my cuppasoup.
Woof says:
Thanks mousey
Woof says:
I've asked some front liners to have a look at the wiki for their feedback. After that, if it is a goer as the way forward, do we need to have a chat about looks, content, usage guidence etc etc
Oz Warren says:
This is like one of those old adventure games. You have entered a Council office and it's dark. "Switch on the light". You can't find a switch.
Woof says:
illuminate
Woof says:
clap your hands together
Woof says:
depress button
Woof says:
fuck off
Woof says:
SYSTEM DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THIS ACTION

Oz Warren says:
It's a small scale, internal team tool, so I don't have a view on the look, but [Walrus] may. Best to ask. It should still be accessible to comply with employment blah but you might say that you don't employ disabled people...then again maybe not.
Woof says:
In terms of access, what do you mean
Woof says:
Partially sighted should be supported by software on computer
Woof says:
Unless you mean compatibility (hopefully be being browser based)
Woof says:
...
Oz Warren says:
Alt text on images etc. So it complies with accessibility guidelines so that staff using access technologies can open and change the pages. Don't assume that it's accessible out of the box. I haven't checked.
Woof says:
fair enough
Woof says:
Assumed as browser based, the basic functionality would be
Woof says:
In terms of alt tags, that can be documented if images used
Oz Warren says:
Grab hair at back of head and bash repeadly on large, well-cooked potato till it mushes and sprays out at the sides.
Woof says:
I'll ask Joe about the access stuffaroos
Oz Warren says:
Browser based it is. Assumed accessible it would be.
Oz Warren says:
Stuffaroo. See how many items of luggage you can get in the donkey before...stuffaroo!!!!

Vote Conservative

You know they mean it...
b3ta.com challenges

Some funnies...

b3ta.com user bennyhillslovechild

Thanks to Womble for this one

“We are the oldest line of Wyches in Europe but that doesn’t mean we do not move with the times,” said Grimwalker. “Ever since Ancient Ramtop pressed his ZX-81 into service we have kept our records on computer. It is after all much more efficient than dusty old books. That was until last Tuesday when the Evils of Hellspawn was unleashed on our PC and we lost all our data.”

The Burning Times

I don't believe it!

It's finally happened; I've become a grumpy old man. This year I've felt myself losing my armour of positivity as one setback after another has put another dent in my metaphorical steel. I've become conscious of being a lead weight to friends, moaning about how bad my life is, rather than being inspirational and someone that people want to be around. The saddest thing is that I've realised that it's happening and I haven't done a great deal to stop the process. I suppose it's the desire to wallow in self-pity for a time, not something that I've ever condoned.

For all my whinging, whining and wine-ing, things are in reality, looking up. I've been able to draw a line under the financial 'gift' that my ex-business partner left me and my OU studies are going well (91 and 93 on the project course so far). There aren't any more trips to the hospital booked and Kate has bought us a holiday to St.Lucia for my birthday. All in all, I don't really have any reason to be a grumpy old git anymore, but there's still a part of me that wants to cling to the persona for a bit longer.

Just call me Victor - for now, anyway.

Google passport

I'm quite surprised that the IT press hasn't made more of the way in which Google has brought the old Microsoft Passport concept back to life...
 

To sign up without an AdWords account, you'll need to first make sure that you have a free Google Account. A Google Account is a single email address and password combination that allows you to log in to a variety of Google services, including Analytics, AdWords, Google Groups and your personalized Google home page.

Bank accounts and credit cards to follow, or are they already in place?

Orange-utan

A friend sent me the A-Team T-mobile image, so I quickly knocked this one up in response. I' know it's not great, but it was the best I could do off the cuff.

Is it sad when you laugh at your own crap jokes?

How much faster than a road car is an F1 car?

This video of Fiat's aquisitions looks like it may have been made some time ago, so apologies if it's old news for you. Apart from the car design dating it, there's no Renault coming through to take the flag from Schumacher.

Does your bike accelerate this quickly?

Can it do it on one wheel? I suspect either a dodgy speedo or some serious tuning (e.g. nitrous) involved in this little scooter's preparation.

How much faster than a road car is an F1 car?

This video of Fiat's aquisitions
looks like it may have been made some time ago, so apologies if it's
old news for you. Apart from the car design dating it, there's no
Renault coming through to take the flag from Schumacher.

This is grim

I wonder what was going through these people's minds? From the look on their faces, they seem convinced.

Castle Combe on-bike video

For those of you like me, who have Castle Combe Circuit as thier local track-day venue, this will bring back some memories. For those of you yet to ride it (Gareth and the SV1000), it'll give you a good idea of what to expect. This clip includes the (horrible) new chicane. If any of you readingthis ride a bike, but haven't tried a track day yet, I'd recommend giving it a go. Make sure you get some feedback about the organisers though. Fowlups of Bristol run the track days at Castle Combe and it's a bit of a free for all.

There is also another Castle Combe video clip here.

My favorite venue so far is Cadwell Park. It's a fantastic little track up hill and down dale. The Mountain is awesome (apologies for the gratuitous use of that word - so gauche).

While I remember, here's an in car video of Llandow, a fun little circuit for the purposes of learning the track (Ha! - 9 corners?). Actually, I say 'car', but it sounds more like a mobile Mechano set. If anyone has a link to a bike version, then I'd be grateful for the URL.

Actually, I've found a bike version here, but it's not great.

Bottle rockets set to Womble-ish music

I remember a bottle of coke doing this once on a hot day when dropped.  These ones have received special treatment to make them super-reactive.

You know I like the silly ones

Like dis von. Das es gut.

Jedi Breakfast

Can you guess the ending?

In Hot Water

Last week, I was one of a group of people who got an opportunity to visit the new Spa in Bath. I have to admit to being a bit underwhelmed. That could in part be to the poor standard of the tour that we received (walk into room - 'this is the hot room' - stand around for ten minutes. Leave room.) or the fact that I'm now a jaded cynic. The rooftop pool is impressive, if not overly large, but a quick look over the balcony at the adjacent Cross Bath glass roof gives you a good idea of the second-hand herring that bathers will be bombed with. Why not give them swimming hats with little bullseyes on top?

The steam room is a large dimly lit room filled with round glass cucibles a few metres across. Each of these will have a different scented 'theme' - bags me the one that doesn't smell of farts. In the ceiling near the centre of the room is a circular area that shines red lights down onto a similarly circular patch of floor below. On first glance it looks like a transporter, but it's actually a power shower - beam me up Scotty (oh and pass the soap).

The separate Cross Bath is a short walk across the Georgian street and is a self-contained oval area, quite small and with one of the actual springs bubbling up in front of the pool. This one will be available for groups to book and you can picture the many stag and hen parties that will take advantage of it.

I can see the Spa being the place where many a deal will get struck by the ruling elite, until Marxist revolutionaries burst into the claustrophobic basement pool area and spray the capitalist pigs with lead, as they rise slack-jawed from their de-luxe neck massagers.

Watch out, watch out, there's a numpty about

What a fantastic idea. Why not let dozy drivers have even more freedom to kill and maim motorcyclists at traffic lights.

Are you Anob?

I believe that soon there will be some top advice available on how you too can be Anob.

They build them well in the Colonies

Well if you believe this little snippet, they do. If, however, you are a regular viewer of Top Gear, you'll know that all American cars are built from plastic and fall apart in five minutes. Perhaps it's actually a Japanese pickup? I have to admit to not being a great expert on anything over two tons in weight.

Implied porn

This still has a level of eroticism even today. Solid potato salad? We know what you're inferring really girls, don't we.